There is no one simple answer to this question and presumably if you were to ask the men, I doubt they would know with any conclusiveness, exactly why they would risk losing someone they claim to love. Some men may say “it’s only sex”, other may state “I just wasn’t thinking”… neither answer satisfies, even the philanderer, once caught.
In the case of Tiger Woods here is a man who had achieved so much so young. The world admired his skills, his focus and ability to command unprecedented sums of sponsorship dollars. We enthusiastically cheered for him as he changed the face of golf and broke an ancient color barrier when he slipped on that legendary green jacket after winning the Masters. We were so proud of you Tiger. We were proud of all you represented. Then he married a stunning women, grace – is the word that comes to mind after the entire world witnessed her personal life tragically fall apart. Incredibly she carried on with poise, an unwavering commitment to her children, loyalty to her family, to her husband. We know so little about her and yet, I believe most would agree she has handled this situation remarkably well. The one woman who didn’t sell out – the one who could have easily justified doing so. You married a classy lady Tiger.
So what compels a seemingly smart man, that appeared to have everything – to trade in such an exceptional women for a Hooters girl? (with all due respect to the Hooters girls they are making a living)
In this case I would suggest a few possibilities – emptiness being one. The human void, we have all experienced after pursuing a goal only to realize it did not hold the key to happiness as once thought. Of course, human beings love to conquer things. So here he is, at the top of his profession, the wealthiest athlete in the world, the perfect family. Couldn’t that be enough?… Sadly, I would surmise the only time Tiger was feeling remotely alive recently, was when he was off with one of his “mistresses” or devising a clever rendezvous.
Another factor to look at is how we have raised men. The majority of men in our generation are raised to be strong, you know; suck it up. We see little boys fall down and scrape their knee only to be told you’re okay, walk it off, be a man . Really? A three year old cannot express himself? Clearly this isn’t working…. A female child in the same situation is given a hug and hears; that hurt didn’t it? Are you alright? – validation. The antiquity of such parenting techniques reverberate throughout our misguided society and are reflective in the ever soaring divorce rate. Like it or not, with good intentions, we have conditioned men such that there are few times when they can truly express themselves without judgment – without being called a wuss. – Sex is one act where we’ve granted permission to be close and connected, somewhat vulnerable, even if only physically – they’re allowed to express emotion around sex. The rest of the time they are expected to hold it together and be strong. Are they not human beings with feeling and insecurities like the rest of us?…
Dr. Candice Pert, Author and Scientist discovered the opiate receptors in the brain back in the 70′s. It’s a fascinating read for anyone to better understand behavior of self and those around you – including obesity, drugs etc. – Entitled Molecules of Emotion it touches on emotional addictions and recognizes that the body unconsciously creates (and possibly even attracts) circumstances and situations to fulfill on the bio chemical needs of the cells of the body. Evidence our bodies experience emotional addictions. It is possible people who cheat may have experienced a great deal of guilt as a child, felt not good enough, or some version of this to the point it became part of their identity – a biological pull to engage in a familiar emotion . So when coupled with a poor decision making process, stress, or a few beers, or the urge may seem irresistible and the intellect is all too happy to justify it without considering consequence. Human beings can justify anything, if you doubt this just turn on the news for 2 minutes.
A common justification for cheaters is it was only sex, it didn’t mean anything, some people are able to disconnect, or, are so emotionally numb that another person becomes a masturbation tool. Though that may be the experience for the male, when you love someone, that involves caring what things mean for the other person involved nothing to the philanderer, could mean utter devastation to the person on the receiving end of the infidelity not to mention the people around them that pick up the pieces, or the children that witness their mother having a breakdown or even growing up with the stigma that Dad is a dog. Sex addictions are becoming common place. Is porn not a better option if you are in a relationship?
Lastly, with an under developed sense of self worth, there is a propensity to look outside for a temporary and false sense of well being, an escape . The process of seeking externally to fill the empties, a void, something that can only be filled from within. Some use drug, many food, and increasingly sex. And yes, you can absolutely be the best in your field of endeavor and still carry feelings of ill worth.
Perhaps, this is a wake up call for what is not working in the world. Much like drinking and driving, there is a hefty residual impact and terrific ramification when people fore go logic and common sense for careless immediate gratification, that generally leave them feeling empty and guilty a short time afterward anyway. So you have trained yourself to take a taxi – why not take up tantra with your partner of admit that it’s over and leave like a man…that has integrity.
A duplicitous lifestyle hurts all parties involved and creates a big mess that can take a life time for many to recover from.Tiger has disappointed the public; (big deal, we’ll get over it) – but likely, his children and family will not. Personally, he is in for a lifetime of self loathing and for what?…
Being a decent human is a choice.Not always an easy one, but a choice all the same. A recent study indicates that after our parents, our romantic relationships directly affect and shape who we become in life.
So, to all of you (men and women) who have cheated, or, are considering doing so; care enough for that person you say you love, those children you claim to care for. Memories cannot be erased and healing deep emotional wounds is an energetic and timely process that requires tremendous fortitude not everyone has, or is capable of this level of healing.
How nice it would be if the philanderer had some distinguishing features, like a bindi dot, and could be matched together with other philanderers and live happily ever after on antibiotics!
Tags: asks the question, candice pert, Elin Nordgren, emotional addictions, infidelity, Jenny McCarthy, jesse james, life coach, misguided people, molecules of emotion, psychology of cheating, Robin H-c on Tiger woods, robin h-c. life coach. author, sandra bullock, sex addiction, tiger elin, Tiger woods, twitter, understanding cheating, unfaithful, Why men cheat