Milton Event:
May 19th, 7-9pm Hawthorne Village Public School Milton Ontario.
For tickets contact ticketsforbarbara (@) gmail.com
Or call Andrea Markusich at 289 878 7382
$20 for tickets

Richmond Hill:
May 18: 7:00-9:00pm at Richland Academy,
11570 Yonge St., Richmond Hill, ON.
For tickets 905-224-5600.

Barbara Coloroso is an international bestselling author and for the past 38 years an internationally recognized speaker and consultant on parenting, teaching, school discipline, positive school climate, bullying, grieving, nonviolent conflict resolution and restorative justice.

She has appeared on Oprah, CBS, NBC, ABC, CNN and NPR and has been featured in the New York Times, Time, U.S. News & World Report, Newsweek, and other national and international publications.

Her uniquely effective parenting and teaching strategies were developed through her years of training in sociology, special education, and philosophy, as well as field-tested through her experiences as a classroom teacher, laboratory school instructor, university instructor, seminar leader, volunteer in Rwanda, and mother of three grown children.

She is the author of four international bestsellers: kids are worth it! Giving Your Child the Gift of Inner Discipline; Parenting Through Crisis—Helping Kids in Times of Loss, Grief and Change; The Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander—From Pre-School to High School, How Parents and Teachers Can Help Break the Cycle of Violence; and Just Because It’s Not Wrong Doesn’t Make It Right—From Toddlers to Teens, Teaching Kids to Think and Act Ethically.

Ask Powerful Questions: What do I want to attract? What is getting in the way of my results? What structure resources can I put in my life to get results?

Replace Habits: If you give up too much TV, emotional spending or eating, smoking, coffee, emotional triggers, whatever it is you will need to replace it with something such as Yoga, Water, journaling, writing that book, an affirmation, carrot sticks or acupuncture. It takes a couple of weeks to train yourself (your brain).

Embrace Discomfort: This is a sign you are on the right track. Unconsciously your brain may try and trick you back into the old habit, often with physical symptoms, possibly even slight anxiety. You can get through it by maintaining concentration on what you want.

Mix up Your Life! We are creature of habit even if that habit brings us great pain and suffering. Try new things, let go of repetitious behaviors especially those that don’t serve you. Take yourself off Auto Pilot! Choices, reactions, ranging from clothing, foods, exercise, words you use, how you get to work, movies you rent… anything new that involves thinking!

Support Your CNS: Anything that impacts your central nervous system will impact your ability to think clearly. To best support yourself during the ‘New Thinking Process’ eliminate or limit: Caffeine, alcohol, sugar, processed foods, tobacco, recreational drugs, long periods w/o food.

Activities that Increase Brain Chemicals: There are activities you can engage in that increase the feel good chemicals in your brain that support thinking. They are: exercises, having sex, listening to classical music and laughing. Sufficient amounts of sleep also impact the ability to think. It is not scientifically proven yet, however, my belief is volunteering, and contributing to others also does this.

Create a Vision: Create a vision of who you want to be, what you want in your life and replay the mental movie with intense positive emotion. Use Gandhi and other incredible achievers as an example of what can be done with a powerful focus.

Research Success Stories- There are many success stories that can inspire action. Jack Canfield, Billy Joel, Mark Ingles, Lucial Ball, Sylvester Stallone, Bill gates, Eminen, just to name a few.

Reinforce- Listen to books on CD, read motivational books or Biographies on people who have done what you want to.

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Communicate your expectations Many of us expect our significant other to mind read. Even though it may appear obvious to you – communicate your expectations and needs with clarity to avoid misinterpretation. This is by far the easiest single action to eliminate or limit unnecessary disagreements.

Acknowledge your partner- Re-presence yourself to all the characteristics you were originally drawn to in your mate. Focus on what you adore about them and give up the expectation that they should be infallible, or another way.

Emotional balance- We have a propensity to direct our frustration about ourselves and life toward our mate. Be responsible for all actions that are not consistent with creating an extraordinary partnership. Identify any patterns that you bring to the relationship that dis-empower it. Use this as an opportunity to develop yourself.

Keep your power If your partner is in an unfavorable mood it can be tempting to follow suit and then blame them for initiating the tone for the day. Our life is made up of choices. Everyday we are given opportunities to forgive over holding a grudge, to laugh over crying. Choose powerfully to respond to people over reacting, this alone is guaranteed to improve the quality of life you experience.

Forgive - Sadly, it’s in our closest relationships we tend to be the least forgiving. Understand that your mate has good intentions and like you and me, we are still learning how to manage people, life and circumstances effectively. Let the little things go and use the larger issues to evaluate the direction of the relationship. Identify what you have both learned and move forward powerfully.

Be thoughtful and creative- We all love to be appreciated. What would really make him smile or melt her heart? A trail of roses leading to the breakfast table, tickets to the game and a romantic picnic, back massage with candles and a little note in the computer bag reading “thinking of you”. Have fun with it!

Expect the best- Our thoughts have energy and have the power to influence experiences. According to quantum physics when we expect negative results and behavior we create an invisible field that can attract exactly that. Have your thoughts and expectations aligned with the outcome you desire.

Keep your word Be someone that can be counted on to do what they say. Be on time, call when you say you will. Our language creates our reality and we train people to listen to us as reliable or not. If you make a mistake acknowledge it and re- commit.

Pursue your passions- A key to a fulfilling life and also a very compelling, charismatic quality, to all people is passion. Take up painting, theatre, or hang gliding; you could create a Future Millionaire’s Club, a travel group, run for office, learn Spanish or have a Karaoke party! When you surround yourself with people and things that are inspiring you improve your self-concept and all your relationships are magically enhanced!

Be of service when you contribute your time and energy to a cause you believe in, you are left feeling inspired and like you contributed.

Be Playful one of the easiest ways to become uninspired is to get lost in the monotony of routine. Mix things up, step outside of yourself, take trampoline lessons, have some fun!

Create your future – the more goals and milestones you create, the more you have to look forward to the better life gets. Structure rewards as you pursue your goals and celebrate often.

Exercise – I have found one of the most consistent ways to feel good about your self is exercises. Once you create this as a lifestyle and a habit, it becomes something you really notice if you miss a few days, endorphins are important!

Hobbies Always to stay in touch with your hobbies and anything you are passionate about. Explore your creative side, try something completely different.

Read Biographies – study inspiring people such as Gandhi, Martin Luther King and JFK or modern day success stories like Jack Canfield and Marc Victor Hansen.

Self Care In order to be inspired one should be relaxed first. Take time for nurturing habits such as, baths, yoga, meditations or reading and classical music. Whatever it is that serves as soul food, incorporate into your daily schedule.

Music It is shown music lifts the spirits and when we respond positively to a particular melody we react chemically in our brain by releasing endorphins. Better yet, motivational tapes or a second language could be taken up on your travel for optimal time management.

Laughter – It is easy to be inspired when you are not making life or peoples actions too significant. Laugh at yourself and be light. Ask yourself, how significant is this, will I care I two years? Be in the moment!

Ruminating - We have all had devastating experiences. People promised to be there and disappeared in moments of crisis, when we needed them most. A friend or loved one dies unexpectedly. Opportunities that would have made our life had they only played out like they were meant to, if only…. When something unfair happens, or, someone wrongs us, many of us relive that bad memory allowing it to consume us, making it part of our identity. The issue then becomes how we think about what happened, not what happened. So what’s worse? The moment you experienced when you lost something, someone; or the fact that you have chosen to relive it in your mind every day since. A person or unexpected event can impact you once, ruminating on it can impact you forever. Know that choosing unpleasant memories is now you hurting you. Let go, look to the future and acknowledge you deserve happiness.

Be careful who you listen to and what you believe – People speak from their own experiences, opinions and beliefs – so be careful what you ‘deem’ to be true. Many give up on their goals when told something is not probable. At an audition, age 39, Lucille Ball was told not only could she not act, but that she was painful to watch. Less than two years later she had her own show. Had she accepted that producers opinion, chances are she would have thrown in the towel and the world would have been deprived one extraordinary comedian. Become conscious of what you accept into your mind as truth. Is it fact, or opinion? If it is fact, can the facts be change? It was a fact that space travel was not possible when JFK declared he would put a man on the moon, however, he changed the facts when he gathered a team of scientists to created the metal to withstand re-entry thus making space travel possible.

Stay connected – Research indicates, one of the greater determinates of happiness is a strong social network. Being surrounded by people who care and who want to share our experiences gives our life meaning. Recently my friend Roman and I had been texting one another our Bucket Lists. We had scheduled a call to talk about our goals, at that time I was struggling with completing some edits from my book; His response, stop procrastinating I want to know a bestselling author! This brief conversation, where I shared what was going on for me, shifted me from being stuck to experiencing gratitude for Roman’s friendship and encouragement. After a few laughs, I hung up the phone newly inspired, as did he. Stay connected with friends no matter how busy you may be.

A Busy Mind is a Happy Mind – Keep yourself occupied with projects that inspired you. Consider the purpose of life is a purpose. Whether it’s raising happy healthy children and being a role model as a parent or building a holistic company that brings balance to the world, purpose is essential to happiness. Overcome the urge to get distracted with petite little grievances and maintain the perspective of the larger picture. Stay active and focused on contributing to people in your life and community.

Don’t wait for inspiration or motivation! - Exercise becomes easier once we book the trip to the sunny location and know we are limited for time to shape up! There will be times when a situation, person or event leaves us inspired and propels us to action or change. Truth of the matter is that chances are you will experience more moment when you struggle to find motivation. Develop the discipline to act anyway you are much more likely to become inspired when you are in action. Action can inspire motivation so get on whatever it is that you need to address until you re-connect with your momentum. Procrastinating just prolongs an unproductive mental state and creates more dissatisfaction. Do what it takes to do to stay in action. You could ask a friend to hold you accountable for deadlines, hire a personal coach or trainer. You can create penalties to keep yourself on track – I once offered to pay an employee $100.00 per hour, for every hour I was late with article submissions. You can bet I was on time!

Stop being so significant – We can get very significant about things going on in our lives to the point where we deplete all joy. These are what I call excuses for unhappiness most of us have them. Presence yourself to reality – there are people all over the world dealing with REAL problems. There are children starving, people dealing with earthquakes and natural disaster who have lost loved ones and everything they have worked for their whole lives. It doesn’t mean you don’t have things to be concerned with, but if you have people who love you and are there to support you and listen, you have a lot. Be grateful for all you DO have.

Be flexible

Remember The Wedding is one day – Keep things in perspective, though it is an important one, what ultimately matters is a healthy partnership, essentially the marriage and choosing a partner you can be an effective team with. Stay focused on the bigger picture as little unexpected surprises arrive during the planning.

Communicate effectively family issues have a propensity to arise with wedding planning. Heightened emotions can interfere with communication. Do your best to resolve old issue that arise and remember your families intentions IS for your day to be wonderful even if they are acting a little bit insane right now! It’s just they may have a different vision than you do, of how that looks.

Exercise Acceptance – Stress is created when we deem a situation, person or event wrong or imply it should be another way than it is in reality. Go with the flow. Obstacle and delays will happen and trust me, 10 years from now you will no longer be aware of your anxiety over severing fish or chicken! Be flexible in the name of FUN!

Learn to Let Go – Very important, in life and with weddings. Let go of perfection. Let go of judgment. Let go of how you feel people ‘should be’ it will promote all round harmony and make you much happier!

Be Well Organized – Organization combats fear and uncertainty – Get a binder and some tabs and organize your wedding details. Having everything in one place will make things much easier. Have sleeves to place pictures and visions from wedding magazines of what you would like your day to look like. You could even go one step further and create a Vision Board on construction paper visually detailing all of your wishes.

Stress Management managing stress and anxiety effectively is essential in having the wedding be a positive experience for you and your partner. Ideally you want the wedding planning to bring you closer and support intimacy. Stress can interfere with this goal so be careful to manage stress by getting sufficient sleep, exercise (the quickest easiest neuro enhancer), healthy meals with increase protein can help reduce stress levels and also taking time to do yoga, meditate or something relaxing where you allow yourself to slow the mind down and really be in the moment. Be advised that anything that offers a temporary high; sugar, caffeine, alcohol, nicotine, will eventually create a low so watch what you ingest -more so when under stress. Remember to connect with your partner too, take walks and do things unrelated to the wedding where you both relax and have some fun.

Address the source of the stress if you are exceeding your budget does it make sense? Is there another way to communicate with your new in laws? Are you feeling threatened about something? There is a solution for everything so get your head around whatever is going on and find it, tackle it and move on to more important focuses to direct your attention.

Obstacles – Give up the urge to complain or, restrict yourself with a time limit to vent on what is going wrong. Spend the rest of the time focused on brain storming on solution. The things you focus your attention expand.

Respond verses React – The more that we experience an emotion, the more probable it is you will experience it again and with frequency. So stop with the tantrums – Take a deep breath, step back from the situation and choose your response. A wedding drama is the last thing you need! Give up the urge to blame or react.

Get people involve allow people to contribute. Though this day is for the bride and groom it is also two families merging. You may not want your mother in law influencing your dress choice however, she may be perfect to bounce ideas regarding the decor or floral arrangements. Weddings are about relationships and communication when you minus all the details. Be considerate, forgiving and get people involved where you can.

Stay focus on the now Like having a child, you may find everyone has something to say about your wedding. People may offer wedding horror stories you’d prefer not to hear. You may find you’re showered with gifts, yet simultaneously bombarded with unsolicited suggestions and advice from well intentioned family and friends that are so engaged in their own world they are not aware they’re imposing they’re experiences on you. Be bold, thank people for sharing and politely let people know when they should ease up. Constantly remind yourself that though the wedding day is a special day – it is only one day in the context of a healthy marriage.

Robin H-C is a Life Coach and the author of Thinking Your Way to Happy! available at Chapters and Amazon online.